There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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