just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
