I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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