I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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