omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
