that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
So much rum. So many feels.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
