Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
