i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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