My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
