"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
