every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
