JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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