It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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