She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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