he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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