So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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