i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
