I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
