you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize