I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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