some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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