Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
