"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
there was a trapeze. enough said
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
