i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
