explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
