just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize