I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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