Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
