Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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