Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
