Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
