Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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