it's like iHOP with fire
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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