he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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