Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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