i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
