weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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