i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
