I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
