God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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