So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
