Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Randomize
