Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
tell me about the fingering
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
