i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
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