So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Less talking, more tequila
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
