I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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