porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
