If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
