if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
