I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
