i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
