We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
