I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Randomize
