cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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