Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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