Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
