She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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