She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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