If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize