we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
