I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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