we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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