Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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