Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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