Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
