im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Fuck appropriateness.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I can feel your judgement through the phone
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize