plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
