Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
