I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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