i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
