Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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