ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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