Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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