I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
