He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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