If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
BRING THE BAGELS
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
