To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
