Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
