I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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