Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
How many fucks given?
0.12846
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
