i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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