you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
