During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
