Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
