just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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