What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Let's get the cat blown out
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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