yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
