It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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