Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
