yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
