I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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