I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
