Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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