The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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