Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
