rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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