I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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