..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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