Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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