You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
