The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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