More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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