i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
