I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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