I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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