I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
