dude i'm inner monologue high
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
