is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
