shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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